There should probably be a law against how much dating advice populates the internet these days. It doesn’t take long to realize that there isn’t a lot of practical advice either. In my experience I’ve come across a lot of mind games which I can tell you is NOT the way to go. In every break up you should definitely focus on things that make you feel your best. Below, I outline things that helped me get over my most recent relationship. I’ve had about 3 major splits in the last 5 years and I really wished I’d done some of these sooner.
1) CUTTING OFF CONTACT
I’m not going to give you a rule to follow but I certainly think that a solid 2-3 weeks is essential. If you were on the receiving end of the breakup you need time to cope and get your thoughts together. You’re probably going to feel 100 different emotions in those
first few days and you don’t want to settle on anger before you have a conversation with your ex. If you initiated the breakup, I’m going to assume you had time to think things through. Allow them space to grieve. This is not the time to assuage your guilt or push the idea of being friends. Removing yourself from the situation is the best way to make sure no one says anything they will regret. Also, do your best to not lurk on social media. You’ll regret it. Really. Don’t do it!
Yes, dating! It seems counterintuitive but I had great experiences. After a breakup I tend to become a homebody and feel super unattractive. Snuggling up with Netflix and forgoing an active lifestyle is tempting, but it’s also a sure way to gain a few pounds and prolong the process of moving on. I used a dating site and was extremely clear in that I wasn’t looking for the love of my life at that time. I had lots of conversations with men online and all the compliments really perked me up. I decided to actually meet up with a few of them and while there weren’t any sparks flying, I did enjoy nice meals, good conversation, and simply being in the moment. I faked enough good feelings that eventually they became real and I now have a few people to call when I feel like grabbing a bite to eat.
I’m advising that you are cautious in what you read during this time. I used to obsessively Google and read articles attempting to dissect all of my ex’s actions and words. I wanted to know everything, including whether or not we had a chance of getting back together. Don’t be me. Read things that focus on your own growth and healing. I’m currently working on a list of resources that I think will be beneficial here so be on the look out for that.
4) SEEKING NEW CIRCLES
I realized in my last breakup that I didn’t have the support I needed from people around me. As if losing someone you cared for wasn’t hard enough, I lost a few girlfriends too. I decided to join some local meet ups in Dallas as well as to adventure around the city alone. Circle Seven Five provides women with monthly meet ups across the city. They even have lunches on Friday’s so you don’t have to eat alone! The events are always fun, there’s zero drama, and for 15 bucks a month, all the freebies you get are well worth it!
Breakups are never easy. What I can offer is that you should always trust your instincts and be strong enough to stick to them. You are worth someone committing wholeheartedly to you. Forgive yourself for the things you did wrong, but most importantly do not take on the mistakes of another person failing to see your value. It will sting, but in time it will sting a lot less. Just remember: Motion changes emotion! So stay busy!