Dating can be incredibly fun but if you’ve been single long enough, chances are you’ve met a few less than worthy gentlemen. Have you ever been on a date and felt zero chemistry? I mean zilch, nada, absolutely no spark. It always seems like when that happens to me, the person on the other end of the table seems to think I’m their soulmate. Let me tell you, these experiences are the most uncomfortable to be in. No one likes to be rejected but girlfriend you’ve GOT to trust your gut.
For a long time I would casually date guys for upwards of a month because I felt guilty about not liking them as much as they liked me. I couldn’t find any major red flag, but I didn’t find myself attracted to them either. I realize now that not letting them go sooner was attributed to my character flaws: occasional low self esteem and chronic people pleasing. I met an awesome guy( we’ll call him Paul) who seemed to really have his life in order. He was working on his MBA from a fantastic university, served in the military, and really had a vision for his life that was admirable. For whatever reason on some strange cellular level, he just made my skin crawl! After the first date I bailed for some reason I can’t even recall. Six months later I agree to go out with him again. Same creep factor is still present. In front of all his friends he asks me to quit my job and move to Germany with him while he studies abroad. Paul assured me he’d be making six figures after graduation and he really didn’t want me to worry about anything else. I felt like I was in the middle of a bad joke. It was AWFUL!
You would think THIS bombshell would be enough for me to back out, but no. I see Paul maybe twice after this and eventually all hell breaks loose. He eventually senses my discomfort and complains that I avoid him (because I do), and never make any time for him. I mean the text messages are streaming in for about 30 minutes and go from anger, to begging, to taunting. It’s insane to say the least. I felt terrible because ALL of this could have been avoided had I just been honest six months earlier and explained that I just didn’t feel the spark.
Learn from me. Don’t put yourself or any other person in this situation. While I can certainly laugh looking back at it, that experience showed me that dating can be even more complicated when people aren’t whole within themselves. Never let your fear of being single or financially stable push you into the arms of someone who isn’t right for you. A lot of men like Paul are looking for something, but it certainly isn’t love. And if your gut is saying run, trust that it’s for a reason and that reason doesn’t always need to come in the form of a flaming red flag. Release the Paul(s) in your life. You’ll thank me in the long run!